My 26th birthday is coming up in a few short months. I look back on my college days and remember thinking, "Twenty-four is a good age to get married. God, if you could work it out so that I get married then, that'd be great." I even remember back in high school looking forward to one particular day - the day I get married. Everything will change. As I grew and supposedly matured, I continued my growth plan based on being the best woman I could be So THaT eventually I would be the best wife anyone could hope for. There are books and Bible studies and courses and sermons all designed to set us up for successful marriages.
But today I had a realization while talking to my beautiful friend, Angie. No one is teaching us how to be better single people. Nobody WaNTS to learn how to be a godly single person, because we all hope that singlehood is NOT our final destination. Nobody wants that. Nobody asks to be single their entire lives. As far as most of us are concerned, it just happens to a few unfortunate souls.
But what if...
What if, as a single woman, I fully embraced my marital status? What if I didn't spend so much time and thought energy trying to figure out how to get out of this stage? What if I wasn't so eager to be in a relationship that I actually learned to eNJoy being single?
I wondered why I couldn't think of any books on being single. I wondered why I have never before desired to know how to be a holy, single woman. And I guess it's because it would mean I was giving up. If I got books on 'the single life' it would mean that I no longer had any hope. But does it have to mean that? Not that I'm going to go out and buy any books, but does the passionate pursuit of being holy and whole here and now (with or without a spouse) mean that I don't want to get married? Why have I made being single a lonely, depressing thought instead of "pleasant" and "delightful?"
I look back (at the not-too-distant past) and see all my desperate attempts, all the games I played, all my efforts... and they all amount to jack. They've gotten me nothing but sorrow and a heart that's been torn to shreds. And I see so many girls doing the same things I did. I see them putting it all on the line, serving and seeking to bless, trying to look good and be nice, sweet girls. But for what? What is it all for? If I'm honest with myself, I wasn't trying to be more like Jesus. I just wanted someone to see what a great catch I was. And if the guys in my past were honest, they weren't all that impressed that I had a heart of gold; they were just glad they had homemade cookies.
I don't want this to sound like a bitter or jaded rant. That's really not where I'm at. I love men more than ever, and I desire immensely to get married someday. This is just me asking... dreaming... what if we as single people were actually satisfied... content... happy to be where God has us. What if?
"LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance." Psalm 16:5-6
Comments (4)
My dear dear Paula-I have missed you sooooooo much! I was thinking about you yesterday and wished you would come and visit and we could go to the zoo together! I love you very much, and if you still have my number, feel free to call me anytime!
i was just saying the other night how i still don't really identify myself as a "wife". like, obviously i am, but at the end of the day, even when i'm laying right next to tyler in the very same bed...it's still just me alone with my own thoughts before i drift off to sleep. and i would really suck in my role as a wife if i didn't work hard on being a good person first.
i mean, i know i'm married so my opinion might not count as much to a lot of "single" women out there...and marriage really is fantastic and fun and awesome...but now that i've done the whole marriage thing, i realize that there's this whole bigger picture to LIFE that's so much more important than just who i happen to swap pre-toothbrush kisses with first thing in the morning. marriage is great, and i know i'm only going to keep learning just how great it really is in the next 10, 20, 50 years from now. and i hope you do get to experience it someday too. but i also hope that you'll get to experience lots of other things in your life that can be equally fulfilling.
i'm in my marriage till death do us part...but what if that only gets to be a few years together?? i think about that a lot, and for that reason i think it's still important for me to keep embracing my "singlehood" as well (if that makes sense). i'm almost 26 years old and i've still got a lot of living to do!
anyway, what i'm trying to say is that i think you're right. and i wish more single women would think about this the way you do. i also wish more married women would think that way too.
Beautiful thoughts from a beautiful woman, whole and complete. Love you and I'm so glad to be your sis, especially as you navigate this challenging and blessed season of your life.
Haven't been reading my xanga lately, but I have to tell you that this post was beautifully said and spiritually inspired. A true challenge and encouragement to me. Thank you!